"What Part of 'Donald Trump Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder' Do Journalists, Analysts & Politicians Not Understand?"

Believe what you see. It really is this crazy, and it’s going to get crazier, and more chaotic and dangerous.

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Narcissists in power are often indulged, and enabled, and they leave nothing but devastation in their wake.

In a postmortem of the (predictably) disastrous meeting between Trump and Zelensky, one analyst on BBC Radio 4 last night said, “Trump really wants peace in Ukraine”. I wanted to shout back, ‘No! Trump does not want peace in Ukraine, or anywhere. He has no ‘position’ on peace, or anything else for that matter. He has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)’. Trump’s NPD is the only thing that matters about him, and the only factor to consider when attempting to make sense of his words or actions, or predict his next move.

Trump’s only ‘position’ is his craving for an unending flow of ‘narcissistic supply’, which is admiration. (You can read the clinical definition of NPD here). The economy, Ukraine’s minerals, peace in Ukraine, Greenland, Gaza, Canada, Israel, the price of groceries or gas in the US, the environment, other people—none of these matter to him, except as props in his personal drama. I do not understand why people are so surprised and shocked when Trump behaves exactly as you would expect from a person with NPD. So many leaders in world history were narcissists, and we know so much about it¹. What is unbelievable is not what Trump does, but the fact that so many are shocked by it.

When Zelensky was publicly humiliated in the Oval Office for not being “sufficiently grateful” to the US for the help it has given his country, I recognised the script immediately. Having spent twenty-five years as a psychotherapist working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse, I have heard this type of statement more times than I can count. Translated from ‘narcissist-speak’, the real message is: ‘Zelensky, you have made a grave mistake, and have shown yourself to be truly stupid. Did you seriously think we invited you to talk about making a deal to end the Ukraine war? You were invited to worship at Trump’s feet, to acclaim his magnificence, and declare him superior to every president before him, and you have failed miserably. Failure to worship Trump cannot go unpunished, so don’t complain when we humiliate you in public. You brought it upon yourself, and have only yourself to blame’. Or in short, the real meaning behind the words ‘not shown sufficient gratitude’, is ‘not shown sufficient admiration for Trump’, especially in the presence of TV cameras.

Narcissists are black holes of admiration—eternally hungry, never satisfied. In their world, other people play two possible roles; they’re either suppliers of adoration, or contemptible and worthless objects who can easily morph into enemies. Those who provide reliable supply can expect to enjoy positive attention from the narcissist, and be lavished with rewards and benefits. Those who do not provide admiration, inevitably find themselves ignored, or subjected to humiliating and cruel assaults—as Zelensky discovered yesterday.

Some of those who manage to install themselves as suppliers for a narcissist in power are themselves narcissists, albeit less successful than the one at the top. They bask in the chief narcissist’s reflected glory, and enjoy the crumbs that fall under their metaphorical table. When the chief narcissist is particularly wealthy and successful, crumbs can be a feast. The narcissist’s inner circle often command their own coteries of lesser worshippers. The right to have a coterie is a favour granted by the chief narcissist’s to reliable suppliers. Narcissists live in their own universe. They think everyone is like them, and that everyone wants what they want. They cannot understand people who do not crave money, success or glory, and see them as dumb, or irrelevant. This is why they surround themselves with people who want the same thing they do.

Despite all the comforts, opulence, privilege, and glitz they enjoy for a time, suppliers know their position is precarious. Narcissists are fickle and their suppliers can easily fall from grace if they ever outshine the one at the top, criticise them, or disagree with them. Anyone who has stumbled unaware into the role of supplier discovers quickly enough how stressful it is. Musk is still surviving, because he is excellent at grovelling to Trump. His excessive, and pathetic expressions of admiration are visible from space. Trump believes he cannot survive without his ‘smart tech support guy’, so for now, Musk’s position is secure, until he makes a wrong move, or succumbs to a psychotic break, whichever comes first.

Anyone currently surviving in Trump’s orbit has mastered the art of constant, unwavering flattery and wide-eyed reverence. It reminds me of a fantasy novel I once read, where dragons required continuous admiration to remain docile. The moment praise and adoration ceased, they became volatile, unpredictable, even lethal. But unlike dragons, narcissists are not confined to fiction. They are very real, and they walk among us. One now occupies the Oval Office.

Stay as far away as possible from the narcissist

Disordered people keep me in business, and no, it doesn’t fill me with joy. I would rather live in a world free of the cruelty, chaos and harm that such individuals inflict on those close to them, or spread when they wield political power. In my line of work, being busy is a troubling sign—it means things are going wrong in the world and people are suffering. Only a therapist with their own personality disorder (PD) would celebrate a packed schedule.

Healthy people often struggle to comprehend how individuals with PDs can behave as they do. Personality disorders seem particularly difficult for most to grasp conceptually. I frequently find myself questioned about my statements and commentary regarding PDs, as the patterns I describe can seem almost unbelievable to those who haven’t encountered such individuals professionally or personally.

The reason I know what I know is because I studied personality disorders. When I trained in relationship therapy, identifying PDs was emphasised as a critical skill. When meeting a new couple, it is essential to assess if either partner may have a personality disorder—ideally in the first session. A relationship therapist who misses a personality disorder in one partner will inevitably harm the other, and sometimes themselves as well. It is inappropriate to engage in relationship therapy if one of the partners has a PD. Any attempt to do it will fail, and will inevitably backfire. When things go wrong between healthy partners, both contribute something to the difficulty in the relationship, and both need to take responsibility for their own contribution. However, if one partner has a personality disorder we know exactly who causes the problems in the relationship. The non-disordered partner may still have to grow and develop, but nothing they do can make the relationship any better. No one can ‘fix’ a relationship alone, especially if they are in relationship with someone who has a PD.

For relationships to thrive, deepen and grow, both partners need to be able to ‘reverse roles’—a term from psychodrama theory that refers to the ability to see things from another’s perspective, or simply put, to empathise. Until we gain sufficient maturity—become better integrated—any of us can temporarily lose empathy when emotionally triggered. Those with a functional prefrontal cortex (PFC) normally regain empathy, clarity and perspective once they calm down, and their limbic system releases its hold on their brain and body. This enables the repair of any ruptures in the relationship, and leads to a safer relational space, and a deeper connection.

Where empathy is permanently absent, safe and healthy relationships are impossible. Indeed, personality disorders are characterised by a permanent impairment to the human relational brain—the neural architecture that among other things enables empathy, self-regulation, personal ethics, and self-awareness. Moreover, people with personality disorders cannot change, not because they are unwilling, but because their neurological ‘equipment’ is compromised. Despite advances in neuroscience and psychology, no one knows how to ‘fix’ this impairment.

People with PDs are unable to see other people as anything other than a resource, and cannot put themselves in another’s shoes. What makes it so much worse is that they lack both the personal ethics and self-awareness to see that their behaviour harms others and is therefore wrong. If it is pointed out to them, they only feel attacked and criticised. They would often claim that they are being ‘abused’ simply because their bad behaviour is questioned, or when other people try to tell them they feel hurt. Their reaction is likely to be defensive and/or aggressive, showing that they perceive themselves as the centre of everything.

People with PDs exist solely for themselves. Their life is defined by their pursuit of the supply they need to exist. They cannot be ‘trained’ out of it. It would be like asking a predator to stop eating, and voluntarily starve to death. In the case of narcissists, the existential hunger is for constant admiration. Narcissists do not cooperate and do not negotiate. It is either their way, or the highway. The more power they wield, the more excessive, chaotic, and outrageous their behaviour tends to become. Trump is now testing how far he can go. Being President of the US is proving to be satisfyingly scrumptious to this dragon, and he wants more—much more.

Like all narcissists, Trump has an automatic and instinctive mental hierarchy. Each time a narcissist meets a person, they place them somewhere in their imaginary hierarchy in relation to themselves. Trump is not sure yet where to place Putin. He doesn’t know yet what to do about him, or other powerful world players such as the EU or China. In the meantime, he enjoys his ongoing feast of admiration and privilege as the chaos deepens.

How events unfold in relation to Ukraine and Europe depends a lot on Putin—who I believe is not a narcissist but a psychopath. A psychopath’s supply is control, and they crave it just as much as narcissists crave admiration. Putin probably thinks Trump is a complete idiot (psychopaths think everyone is less intelligent than they are), and for his part, he is waiting to see what Trump will do. When circumstances are favourable for him, Putin will pounce.

I suspect Trump will try again with Zelensky to see if he has ‘learned his lesson’. If Zelensky becomes a reasonable supplier of admiration for Trump and satisfies him enough, he can expect that Ukraine will be handed over to Putin on a silver platter, and himself to become irrelevant. There is nothing interesting for Trump in Zelensky or Ukraine—not even valuable minerals—because what matters to him are his own needs, not those of the US or its society.

Anyone who has had the misfortune of crossing the path of a narcissist needs to stay as far away from them as possible. You cannot have a relationship with a narcissist without suffering serious harm. If you don’t have a choice, you need to be well informed, understand what you are dealing with, and be psychologically robust.

The world needs to reorganise itself and stay as far away from the US as possible—at least until Trump is replaced by someone without a PD. Anyone who expects any kind of political or economic consistency from Trump is misguided. You will see consistency in his actions if you focus on his need for admiration. US voters have placed a person whose emotional maturity is between two and five years old in the White House, and they can expect predictable chaos and devastation.

What we call ‘politics’ may be nothing more than narcissistic dynamic

I believe that much of what passes as politics is in reality a cheap soap opera revolving around narcissistic dynamics. Politics, especially in democracies, should never be based on the personality or personalities of people at the top of the hierarchy—yet throughout history, that’s exactly what it has been. This isn’t a recent phenomenon; narcissists have almost always occupied positions of power. Democracy was supposed to replace capricious, monarchs, but going right back to ancient Greece and Rome, we can see how narcissists have always dismantled democracy.

Narcissists cannot help but be what they are and do what they do, and humanity has been tormented by their abusive, crazy-making dominance for millennia. Even if a narcissistic ruler occasionally stumbles into a positive outcome, it is overwhelmingly outweighed by the suffering, devastation and chaos they inevitably unleash. Narcissists will always seek power because where the power is, so is the glory. We have no one else to blame but the people who put them in power and enable them. This happens too frequently to ignore, and it is too devastating to be allowed to continue. Narcissists in power impact on generations of people and destroy millions of lives.

Even in our so-called democracies we have grown accustomed to politics as a system that prioritises the management of fragile egos over addressing anything of substance. The actual business of running societies—crafting policy, implementing infrastructure, delivering services—is frequently marginalised; squeezed into whatever cracks remain after the exhausting work of managing grandiose personalities and their insatiable needs. Imagine what life would be like if most of our political energy was invested in the actual work of running societies.

Pointless political analysis that searches for some sense or logic in the madness, and that continues to give attention to narcissists will get us nowhere. We know enough to stop indulging people with NPD and to call them out, and yet journalists, commentators and politicians are paralysed by inexcusable disbelief and surprise. They have a role to play and they are failing us.

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1. Here is a non-exhaustive list of well-known leaders from ancient and more recent history who I believe had NPD:

Caligula (Roman Emperor), Nero (Roman Emperor), Alexander the Great (Macedonia), Louis XIV of France (The ‘Sun King’), Henry VIII of England, Napoleon Bonaparte (France), Kaiser Wilhelm II (Germany), Winston Churchill (UK), Richard Nixon (USA), Benito Mussolini (Italy), Adolf Hitler (Nazi Germany), Joseph Stalin (Soviet Union), Mao Zedong (China), Francisco Franco (Spain), Saddam Hussein (Iraq), Muammar Gaddafi (Libya), Idi Amin (Uganda), Ferdinand Marcos (Philippines), Nicolae Ceaușescu (Romania), Augusto Pinochet (Chile), Margaret Thatcher (UK), Éamon de Valera (Ireland), Donald Trump (USA), Silvio Berlusconi (Italy), Boris Johnson (UK), Nicolas Sarkozy (France), Benjamin Netanyahu (Israel), Bill Clinton (USA), Kim Jong-un (North Korea), Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe), Daniel Ortega serving as Nicaragua’s ‘co-president’ along with his equally narcissistic wife, Rosario Murillo.